I was reading XBIZ.com last night and saw a fellow writer pose the question: Who critiques the critics?

That got me thinking — I’ve been reviewing films off and on for a little over 10 years. Yet no one really knows what I look for when I sit down to watch a title. Everyone knows that reviews are subjective — it’s generally one person’s opinion. But oftentimes, that opinion carries a lot of weight.

I thought that I would explain the criteria I look for in this column, talk about what tickles my ivories — hey, that would be a good title for a straight film: “Tickling the Ovaries.”

But I digress.

I like to think that I’m a pretty good reviewer. The last movie that I reviewed when I was working at AVN was Jet Set’s “The Hole” directed by Wash West. I gave it 5 A’s — the highest rating you can give in that magazine — and that film went on to win Best Picture.

Not a bad way to go out.

One thing that I do pride myself on is being able to appreciate virtually every genre, every niche. There are some exceptions, of course — scat, bestiality and child pornography are absolute no-nos in my book and I wouldn’t touch them with a 10-foot pole. (Not to mention that I’m too dainty to end up in prison — I do watch “Prison Break” but I doubt all convicted felons are that pretty.)

But there are other genres, like fisting or watersports or bondage, genres that might make some viewers squeamish, that I will watch — sometimes grimacing — but I still have the appreciation that those videos have a market. (Although, sometimes, after watching all that vanilla porn, a nice CBT video perks me right up.)

Sometimes, I’ll even pop in a straight video.

Believe it or not, if they’re done right, straight vids can really be entertaining. Coming from a gay boy, that’s a big thing. I’m a huge fan of Evil Angel product and love the work coming from Michael Stefano and Manuel Ferrara. (Which isn’t much of a stretch, considering they both worked for Evil Angel at one point in their careers.) I haven’t had much of a chance to watch a lot of straight porn lately, but what I love about those two guys in particular is the way in which they treat the girls they’re about to split open. They treat those women like princesses — well, you know, before they cum all over their faces….

I think that in order to be a good reviewer, you have to see virtually everything you can and then gauge your parameters. Can I watch this without my gag-reflex overworking itself? (Which is my way with watersports — I don’t get it but I understand the appeal. Especially of late: most folks who I speak with tell me that watersports — i.e. pissing into someone’s mouth or just urinating on someone in general — is a way of being able to safely share fluids with someone in this day and age of HIV and AIDS. Although, my gag reflex goes into overdrive when the swallowing starts….)

Well, I do have my limits.

Generally, the first thing that I look at — or any consumer, for that matter — is the box cover. Is it consistent with the studio’s theme? How much effort has been put into the box cover? Is it just a shot of a guy standing there holding his package or is something else going on?

I love the simple boxes — like COLT — and I really like the boxes that come from Channel 1 Releasing, Titan and Hot House. And FPG Entertainment is a new studio that is starting to make some really good product, including the box.

When I worked at Adonis Pictures (the company I helped start), we made posters of each box cover, so I wanted to make sure that each title had something that would stand on its own. (Some of them, I’ll admit, were duds, but I was proud of a few — “Thirst,” “Holier Than Thou” and “Bed Heads” are three of my faves.)

Photography — and Photoshop — is important.

Next, I look for my favorite performers. And if I see that two of my favorites are performing together, that gets me to snag the film even faster.

Another thing that I look for — and it’s kind of important — is chemistry.

I’ve always said that I would rather watch two relatively attractive guys having hot, sweaty sex than two gorgeous studs standing around going through the motions bumpin’ uglies.

There is nothing more off-putting that watching two gorgeous men just standing there and flicking their tongues together like they’re licking a clit. (Not that I know anything about that but I told you, I watch my fair share of straight movies.) If you’re only doing it for the money, guys, I’ll let you in on a little secret — we can tell.

I will say that three directors who pop into my head when I think ‘chemistry’ are Chi Chi LaRue, Michael Lucas and Chris Ward. (They’re not the only ones, kids, just the first who pop to my frazzled mind.) Somehow, they’ve been blessed with the ability to partner up the right models and it shows in their films.

I am also someone who appreciates story porn. As a writer (who majored in Theatre in college), it’s always fun for me to watch models work with scripts. Sometimes, you’ll find performances in there that are extremely impressive — especially if they get the right director working with them. Jerry Douglas, Wash West, Mike Donner and Jett Blakk are a quartet of scribes who are able to pull some great work from their models. (And I really like the crazy parodies coming from PZP Productions’ Peter Z Pan — there’s a lot of creativity in play there.)

Joe Gage is another director who I should just dedicate an entire column to. His marriage with Titan Media has only strengthened his talent. No one touches on taboo issues the way he does — with the exception of Douglas, of course. Whether it’s a father-son pairing, or a young man frequenting his first adult video arcade, Gage grabs the viewer with his uncanny ability to capture mood. You can actually feel the tension in his scenes. Back in the 70s, he was an innovator — 30 years later he’s a freakin’ rock star!

However, I am not above all-sex concepts, either. COLT’s John Rutherford and Kristofer Weston and Hot House’s Steven Scarborough excel in this genre — and Collin O’Neal is rapidly rising as a fine director in this area as well. Throw a bunch of hot hunks into a sex dungeon and I’m good to go.

I tend to grade ‘up’ when I’m reviewing. I’ll always make a point of finding something good about everything I watch. Which isn’t as easy as you’d think.

Sometimes, a creative scene that incorporates toys or role-playing will be extremely titillating — but it doesn’t mean squat if there’s no chemistry.

I will state for the record that if you have been successful in the industry as a producer/director/studio, I tend to hold you in higher regard.

This goes for the LaRue’s, the Rutherford’s, the Scarborough’s, the Douglas’ — these are just four of a small list of directors who I admire and expect a lot from.

Am I being unfair? I don’t think so. There’s a reason why they have lasted in this industry for as long as they have — combine the amount of years they’ve dedicated to the gay adult industry and you’re closing in on a century of devotion.

Not to mention that they’re all amazing filmmakers and generally aren’t prone to “phoning it in.”

But you can bet that when I sit down with one of their films, I’ve already raised the bar.

I do the same thing with Martin Scorsese films, though. Have you seen “The Departed?” It’s already gay porn. Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio (and Mark Wahlberg, of course) with guns running around acting all macho and shit? Time to get out the lube, baby!

The only thing that is important to note is what I mentioned earlier: All reviews are subjective. It is simply one person’s opinion.

After all, one person’s trash is another one’s treasure.

Hi, everybahdy!

Okay, so I’m starting work on an article for our December Porn Star Issue entitled “Top Rising Gay Stars to Look For in ’08” - or something like that.

And I know a lot of the boys but I’m a little rusty as to who is truly a new face to look out for in ’08.

So. I am posing this question to the readers:

Who do YOU think I should include in this list — and why?

I know, you’re thinking “God, what a lazy motherfucker, making us compile a list for him, what bullshit!”

Or, you’re thinking “Gosh, how nice it is for him to include us, to ask our opinions. What an awesome guy!”

What do you think? Are Jet Set’s Jesse Santana (pictured) and Raging Stallion’s Steve Cruz too "old?" I know Lucas Entertainment’s Jonathan Vargas is a yummy newbie — so is Lucas’ Zack Randall (who’s been around for a few years but is really making his splash now).

So hit me up at jeremy@xbiz.com and let me know your opinions!

Hi, everybody.

Okay, so here’s the deal. XBIZ, along with virtually anyone in the adult industry, received this email from Lucas Entertainment president Michael Lucas on Thursday, November 8. It was posted on his blog and sent out to — well, everyone in his address book, I guess.

I decided to hold off on printing it on XBIZ’s site because I am waiting for the lawsuit to end so Michael can reveal the documentation that allegedly proves that Raging Stallion is at fault. I would rather be accurate than timely. If that makes sense.

Take a look at the letter below. This is the original letter sent out to the industry — I have left it intact, so that readers can judge for themselves something that’s really nobody’s business.

The film in question is Lucas’ “Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita,” the movie that won him 14 GAYVN Awards (which the Lucas PR machine reminds me of all the time). Lucas is in the process of a lawsuit with International Media Films, a company who, Lucas states, claims they own the rights to Federico Fellini’s 1960 film masterpiece of the same name.

(I want to state FOR THE RECORD that I know both Chris Ward and Michael Lucas and I am not on a side. I’m simply trying to understand what the hell is going on.)

Dear All,

This is a letter for friends and colleagues, for those who know me well and not so well, for those who agree with me on many issues and those who do not, for both supporters and opponents of mine.

It’s been nearly a year since this baseless, pointless, frivolous lawsuit has been torturing me and my employees.

Demanding hundreds of thousands of dollars, my accusers have on numerous occasions claimed that they know that my film made millions of dollars for me, citing a ‘very reliable source,’ that knows the industry from within. I viewed this as mere gossip, but my accusers chose to believe it, despite my repeated offers to let my accusers’ accountants review our books and see the earnings of my films for themselves.

Under pressure from my lawyers, the ‘very reliable source’ was revealed. This mysterious ‘source’ that supposedly knows my business so well turns out to be none other than Raging Stallion. The relevant documentation can not yet be made public. But I knew anyway from other sources that Raging Stallion is inaccurately and maliciously representing that I am making millions of dollars in sales, including foreign sales, and accusing me of illegally duplicating Fellini’s film in China. They are advising the party suing me not to trust me. The list of lies is long.

It was bad enough that, boiling from jealousy and hate, Raging Stallion, including its co-owner G.C. Slader [sic], threw ice cubes at me while I was receiving my best picture award in 2006. But it was worse when Raging Stallion co-owner Chris Ward posted a nasty piece on his blog, analyzing the law suit against me in detail, predicting it would close my company. (Mr. Big Mouth’s aims were clear to me when I read that). But maliciously to lie about my company’s income to a third party that is suing me!? To mislead the prosecution by lying about sales figures!?

Let’s face it; we in this business all know very well that one can not make millions with a safe-sex film with a foreign title, no matter how many awards the film might receive. We all know that these awards are not the Oscars! God, we know! We all know all of that so well, with the limited media coverage we receive for the awards and the little clubs/theaters in which the award ceremonies are held. They are important for the industry and for the industry only!

Of these "brave" boys of Raging Stallion I ask; why are you so consistently going after me?? Is your business not keeping you happy? Are your finances that bad? Are your shameless, pathetically written press releases that useless? Or are you motivated to these petty, malicious actions by having lost the damned awards? Did it get to you so bad that you’ve made the most-nominated film in history into the most unprofitable one? With the money I have had to spend on the legal defense in this year alone, I could have made parts 3, 4 and 5.

It’s not only money that the pooping horses at Raging Stallion have pushed me to waste. Hundreds of hours wasted in discoveries, attorney conference calls, depositions, court appearances; 2 of my office employees and I have been deposed for hours on end. That is not to mention the sleepless nights caused me by this, and the depression over the precious time that Raging Stallion has robbed me of spending with my mother who is dying of cancer.

I am apologizing in advance to industry journalists, company heads, accountants, sales people, distributors and others for the eventuality of my having to subpoena you in this regard in the future. But if that becomes necessary, the fault for it being necessary will rest squarely on Raging Stallion. It is Raging Stallion that has maliciously convinced a third party with no knowledge of our industry that in 2007 one can make millions of dollars with a porn film. I had no plans whatsoever for seeking such subpoenas before I gained knowledge of this shameful communication between Raging Stallion and the company suing me.

As for the law suit itself; there was no wrong doing on my part. Under the Constitution, I have a right to create a parody, and I had a right to call my film Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita. But aided and abetted by Raging Stallion, the entity suing me is bringing a frivolous law suit against me.

In my opinion this was the lowest of the low, even for Raging Stallion, but I do want to know your opinion. I thank you in advance for your support, as I believe there is a point in time when keeping silent becomes a fault and each of you can be stabbed in the back just like I was.

And so began the shot heard round the world — with those 805 words, the 3000-Mile War had begun….

(music swells, extreme close-up, dramatic bum-bum-BUM!)

Well, wow. It’s obvious that whatever documentation Lucas holds sounds pretty damning. I have a contact who has seen said documents and claims that Lucas does have a case. However, would it be frivolous for him to follow through with it? How far would he be willing to take this?

And just what the hell is it?!?

I am a bit confused as to his reasoning for putting this out there. Why make an announcement like this without having the proof to back it up? Or is it just another instance of the Lucas PR Machine at work? If you can’t release the documents claiming what really happened — why stir the pot? Why not wait until you have all your ducks in a row before making such damning accusations?

And why share it with all of us? Are we really supposed to believe that ML is doing this so that the industry won’t be “stabbed in the back” like he was?

Or was it just a slow press week?

He asks for our opinion but does he really want it? Or is he already rallying his side of the troops? (p.s. I just love how he states that subpoenas will probably all be issued to We The Press — although I’m pretty sure I dodged a bullet there — and that, in essence, we must blame Raging Stallion. Oy, the Drah-MA!!)

Someone in the industry told me the other day: “It looks like Michael’s not taking his medication today…”

That, in itself, is an accusation that my industry friend has no proof of. Is he perpetuating something that may or may not be true? Is he just spreading unfounded rumors? Where have I heard that before….?

So Chris Ward, president of Raging Stallion Studios, responded….

RAGING STALLION’S RESPONSE

Raging Stallion Responds To Michael Lucas Accusations Michael Lucas, a New York pornographer, sent a general letter to the industry today blaming Raging Stallion Studios for a lawsuit between his company and the Fellini estate, the owner of La Dolce Vita. Lucas seems to think that Raging Stallion is somehow behind, or in some way supports, the party suing him for copyright violations. In rather vicious tone he lays the blame for his legal trouble at our feet.

This is our clear, unambiguous, and final statement on these ludicrous charges:

Raging Stallion has never provided any information to any attorneys for the Fellini estate. Raging Stallion has had no contact whatsoever with the Fellini estate or its representatives. Raging Stallion, its partners, and its employees do not even know the name of any attorney for the Fellini estate nor do we know who owns the Fellini estate. We do not know anyone connected in any way with the Fellini estate. We do not know how to contact them, nor do we desire to contact them on this or any other matter. The studio, its representatives, its employees, and its shareholders have never had any contact whatsoever with the Fellini estate on this or on any other matter.

It is our hope that going forward Michael Lucas will keep his ongoing drama to himself and leave us out of it. We have nothing to do with it and all of us are baffled by the mention of our name in connection to this case.

Pretty straight-forward response, I think.

I was at the 2006 GAYVN show where J.D. Slater (Lucas calls him “G.C. Slader” in his letter) threw the ice cube at Lucas when he and his “Dangerous Liaisons” film tied for Best Picture with Chi Chi LaRue’s “Wrong Side of the Tracks.” (And don’t get me started about THAT — I used to run the GAYVN show so don’t think that tie didn’t glare out at me…. But I digress…)

Lucas and LaRue both headed up to the stage and as Lucas was approaching the podium, the light caught something sailing in the air toward him. I don’t think he acknowledged it then, but it was definitely a tense moment. And the audience, a gaggle of queens who just love other people’s drama — myself guiltily included — responded.

Slater later sent out a letter of apology to the industry and to Lucas, stating that he shouldn’t have done it, that he was caught up in the moment, etc. You have to respect J.D. for that — as someone who has been in this industry for 31 years, he understands that if you do wrong, you apologize. If only others would follow his example when they fuck up.

I understand why they’d seem perplexed, as it came from nowhere — and was so public.

But Michael wasn’t about to let Raging Stallion have the last word…

MICHAEL LUCAS’ RESPONSE TO RSS’ RESPONSE

In response to Raging Stallions’ lies:

That is right, Raging Stallion did not contact the Fellini estate. No need for them to, as I never was sued by the Fellini estate. For Christ's sake, I never mentioned anything about the Fellini estate in my email earlier today. This is Raging Stallion's invention in order to find "legitimate" grounds for their lies. Let's make it clear once and for all: I am being sued by International Media Films, the company that claims to own the rights to the Fellini film. And that is the company which Raging Stallion had their communication with. A communication that I have. A communication that at this point is attorney-client privileged only. I promise I will make it public as soon as this pointless law suit is over. And this law suit will be over soon, as the whole mess is heading straight to trail.

Enough bullshit, Raging Stallion, you snitches. Your continuous lying to the entire industry is ridiculous and disrespectful, to say the least. Do you think everyone is that stupid? One thing is when Chris Ward lies that his new movie has real airplane crashes in it, or shit like that, but how naive is it to lie about documents that will be available for everyone to see?

I commiserate with ML in a way because my father passed away 10 years ago from cancer. So I know how precious time is — and I understand that his mother has been ill for a while, so I see his frustrations. Maybe this is his way of dealing with the pain, by making other people feel as miserable as he does. It’s not easy to watch a parent dying of cancer. Especially if you’re close to them. So I pass along my condolences to him and his family — this is not an easy time.

But is that grief the catalyst for such a rant?

In the end, it all comes down to who you believe. A classic case of “He said, He said.”

Has Michael Lucas cried wolf one too many times? Is Raging Stallion really an evil conglomerate poised to take over the gay porn world? Who is the father of Chantal’s baby? Will Luke and Laura stop the evil Mikkos from destroying Port Charles with his evil Death Ray?

Tune in next week, for the continuing drama….

In all seriousness, I do hope that Lucas and Raging Stallion clear this up — to quote the inimitable Rodney King: “Can’t we all just get along?”

I hope so — I’m getting too old for all this….

I’m excited about starting up here because I will be XBIZ’s first GLBT Editor, a position the company really needed. There’s a world of good GLBT product out there and XBIZ had no one in place to acquire said product. So here I am — and I hope I am able to unite these companies with XBIZ. I have never worked on a writing staff that is as good and as competent as the folks here at XBIZ and the industry is starting to recognize that.

So knock wood and let’s dig in.

This blog will consist of many things: First, I have been reviewing gay movies for 10 years now, and XBIZ doesn’t do reviews in the mag (which, in my opinion, is smart), so, I have decided that I would still chime in my two cents worth. I’ve always been a fair reviewer and I’m still a huge fan of gay porn. I love seeing what the creative minds in this industry will come up with next.

Second, I’ll use this blog to talk about hot button topics, issues, all that fun stuff — as it pertains to the GLBT industry. Basically, I’ll comment on all the drama.

Third, I like to ramble and when I get started on a roll, you’d need a freight train to derail me. I’m one of those people who, if I don’t get the words out, they will be lost in my memory until quite the inopportune time. And by then, well, who cares anymore? It is my hope that those entries will be few and far between — but since I’m an editor, I guess I could edit it down to something cohesive, but where’s the fun in that?

XBIZ AWARDS

The first step in showing the GLBT industry that XBIZ is paying them attention is the addition of several GLBT Categories in this year’s XBIZ Awards.

The categories include:

GLBT Web Company of the Year

GLBT Studio of the Year

GLBT Feature Movie of the Year

GLBT Director of the Year

GLBT Performer of the Year

Lifetime Achievement: GLBT Performer

The latter five categories have been added this year and several of them can be voted on by the industry themselves, so if you’re industry — head on over to the XBIZ Awards site and submit your nominees! It is my hope that, as the awards show and the GLBT sections grow, so will the GLBT categories.

The only way we can get bigger is with your help.

REACHING OUT

I’m trying to reconnect with a lot of people in the industry through this position. I want to show the GLBT industry that XBIZ is dedicated to them and are willing to prove that dedication. I’m determined to turn the GLBT section for both XBIZ magazines into THE place for the GLBT industry to go. It’s going to take a little time — but we have the resources and the drive — and we will hopefully have the industry’s support, as well.

So if you are reading this and would like to be represented in XBIZ, please send an email or press releases to Jeremy@xbiz.com or editors@xbiz.com

I really care about this industry — and most of the people in it — and it is my intention to build up and strengthen the GLBT presence at XBIZ into something we can all be proud of.

As Dr. Nick on “The Simpsons” likes to say: “Hi, everybahdy!”

Let me briefly explain just who the hell I am — my name is Jeremy Spencer and I am the new GLBT Editor for XBIZ magazine. I have been in the gay adult industry for almost 10 years — I started in 1998 as a freelance reviewer with Gay Chicago magazine then became Gay/Bi Managing Editor for AVN/GayVN. I left there in 2003 and the following year started up Adonis Pictures, which is still around — no matter how hard my partner has been trying to sink it.

So I believe I offer a unique experience to the gay adult world — I’ve been a writer, a reviewer, a producer, a production manager, I’ve dealt with marketing and promotion and blah blah blah.

Now I’m back doing what (I’m told) I do best: writing and editing.

So. We’ll see how that goes….